Whips and chains? Objectification, brutality, violence? How cruel! Surely no one in their right mind would ever submit to this, not unless one was just plain crazy. BDSM must surely be the practice of the truly depraved, sexual outlaws, rapists, and Nazi interrogators…or so the vast majority think. All this, of course, is the very same stuff at turns us on here at this site.
The rest of the world, the vast majority, the normies, the vanillas see only the handcuffs, the ball gags, and the nipple clamps. Their opinions, expressed openly or otherwise, raise a very important question, the same question even we ask ourselves: Are we, in fact, crazy, less than human, or some kind of monsters? Are we sick, twisted, and hopelessly so?
Psychologists had once wholeheartedly concluded the same, and said just in no uncertain clinical terms. Dr. Freud concluded that participation in fetishism and sadomasochism was a personality disorder, possibly even worse. He was a child of the straight-laced Victorian times, and no doubt a vanilla man, who turned out to be wrong about a lot of things. Recent studies among noted psychologists have concluded this was one of them.
The makers of The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, commonly known as the DSM, released a new edition (DSM-5) several years ago and declassified our kinks saying they are not a mental illness. That’s right! Psychologists have given us a nod. Since then a few have even noted that statistically we are just as well adjusted, happy, and maybe even a little more mentally healthy, than our vanilla counterparts.
Psychology Today reported the very same in 2015. Andreas Wismeijer and Marcel van Assen compared BDSM practitioners to “normal” on major personality traits, noting that BDSMers exhibited higher levels of extraversion, conscientiousness, openness to experience, and subjective well-being. They also showed lower levels of neuroticism and rejection sensitivity. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-wide-wide-world-psychology/201502/the-surprising-psychology-bdsm)
They offered several theories, but they really did not know why. Even with all the good news; and, despite a recent proliferation of books and movies, BDSM still has a long way to go to be deemed as normal as the rest. Recently a friend went to an adult story with a coffle of bald slave girls in tow. Another customer, a woman, confronted him right there and then. Her words began with, “How dare you!” The story may be worth a laugh, but it is significant. Modern culture may be liberated enough to accept gay marriages, may not even think twice about them expressing public displays of affection, but it still regards kink as taboo, regardless of Psychology Today or any other publications to the contrary.
Perhaps, however, outsiders misunderstand BDSM because they see only the outward trappings. They see the clothes, the toys, the devices. They do not understand these are merely the costumes, the props, and the settings. They do not understand that BDSM is much more like a well scripted or cleverly improvised play, a story of conflict and resolution spontaneously but carefully conceived to lead its dramatis personae to a moment of self-discovery, one that, in fact, has the potential to create some profound changes in the psyche. Indeed, kink, at its best, is not a box of toys, but rather a process, one far more complex than what meets the eye. It is the depth of the experience that bears more than a passing thought.
Maybe our 21st century society needs to rethink its unrelenting devotion of the great god normal. For as long as time has been recorded, people from every tribe, and from all corners of the earth, have practiced certain religious rites which employ extreme physical and emotional pain in order to achieve special states of awareness into some sort of initiation rite. The purpose is to create a state both spiritual and physical ecstasy.
Take for example the Sateré-Mawé, who live in the northern Amazon basin. Boys as young as twelve will thrust their hands into gloves packed with stinging bullet ants. But why? Are their parents sadists? Of course not! They have a culture which values strength and courage. These virtues are highly venerated, even needed, to protect the tribe from hostile neighbors and natural predators.
The wisdom the Mawé is, instead, centered instead around creating a special kind of personal epiphany, a coming to a new worldview, an enhanced spiritual identity, and a concomitant personality change. This is a process of transformation, quite literally transcendence. The stinging ants are only the tip of the iceberg, a smaller part of a greater shamanic journey.
BDSM may, in fact, has the very same potential, especially when practiced in a caring and consensual way. There is plenty of evidence to suggest this is exactly what is going on. Bestselling BDSM/sexuality authors, Easton and Hardy discuss transcendence in their treatise, Radical Ecstasy. They include their experiences during both solo and partnered sessions, explaining that seekers have always used physical and emotional extremes to achieve religious experiences. Perhaps BDSM has the very same potential. Call it radical humaneness. (http://www.greenerypress.com/re.htm)
Fakir Musafar, a practitioner of BDSM rites and the so-called father of the modern primitive movement, is known for saying, “By using … your body you can go into all states of consciousness and discover the true nature of life and yourself.” He has a point. No doubt we would agree with the maxim, “no pain, no gain.” We see something of a runner’s high take place in marathons. Pain and transformation is very real.
We know pain in bondage can even lead to an altered state of consciousness commonly known as subspace. Dulcinea Pitagora, PhD, LCSW, CST writes about the subject in clear scientific terms, Therapeutic and Relational Benefits of Subspace in BDSM Contexts. In subspace, pain and problems disappear, largely due to a sudden rush of adrenaline and endorphins. Just like an orgasm, subspace varies from person to person, depending upon their emotional predispositions and physical responses, and intrapersonal dynamics. (https://www.academia.edu/35126571/No_Pain_No_Gain_Therapeutic_and_Relational_Benefits_of_Subspace_in_BDSM_Contexts)
BDSM can also be like the sacred sexual rituals of Eastern tantric religious traditions. Bondage alone can bring on something of a meditative state. A spanking or even a whipping, creates a different but equally profound experience. Martin Luther whipped himself. Shia Muslims and certain Christian sects still practice flagellation. Kinksters often play music during their sessions, the repetitive rhythms helping to achieve trance like states common in tribal religious rites.
Transcendent growth and change is also an integral part of what Joe Campbell called the “Hero’s Journey,” writing, “A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man.”
The bottom line? We may just be up to something very special when we get kinky. Maybe even some day, this practice will finally emerge from those prudish early twentieth century judgments and lead us all to a new awareness about eroticism, spirituality, and personal transcendence. Until proven otherwise, I will continue to believe that B&D and S&M has the potential to make us more humane, even radically so, and not less.
Right words! Appreciated!
Very well done and enlightening! Thank you!